Why I Went Dark
Overview
I’m publishing this into the void, as my website has had a lock screen in place since July 2.
I’d been navigating liminal spaces of varying degrees for a long ass time in relation to my business (very) expensive hobby, and in mid-spring of 2026, I could no longer deny that the path I’d been heading down for years was no longer working (and never really did), and I found myself questioning whether I even wanted to be online and in business at all.
I’m in Megan Leatherman’s group program called Meant for More, which comes with a tarot reading with one of our wise and well ancestors. There were a few takeaways from her reading that I’d like to share.
This are the cards Megan pulled, which I replicated using all three of my decks. The spread on the left came from the same deck that she used (The Wild Unknown Tarot by Kim Kranz), the middle came from my current favorite deck (Soul Tarot by Lindsay Mack), and the right came from We’Moon Tarot (by We’Moon).
My ancestor’s words and wisdom:
My wise and well ancestor was from my mother’s lineage, and everything about how Megan described her — including her “being a woman in repose” — led her to feel like a kindred spirit.
My ancestor explained to Megan that I am very wise and that I have all the knowledge I need to do the work I’m here to do.
She also shared that it was time for me to go dark for a while — that (now using Megan’s words) what I’ve built is ready to be composted and that the seed for what’s next is already fully formed.
And — perhaps most importantly — now is the time for me to get very, very still. To seek answers from my wise and well ancestors, trusted spirit guides, and the land herself.
What this all means
I’ve entered my metaphorical autumn season, which will be followed by winter. Seeds sprout in the spring, and it’s important that I don’t force this seed to sprout before it’s truly ready to emerge.
This reading validated all that I’d been sensing, and so I shut down my website and newsletter a few days later, on July 3, 2026.
Today is July 11, and I’ve been still. With no website to tweak, newsletters to write, or circles to plan, I’ve had time to just be.
But now I’m feeling called to document this journey into being — into composting and experimenting and deepening into stillness. I’m suspecting that I may someday share these writings with you.
Even that last word: “you” was written in the moment. Yes, I want to (eventually) take you on my journey and — hopefully — inspire you to join me on your own journey on a parallel plane.
How it feels to go dark
Minus my first go at food blogging back in 2010, beginning in 2014, I’ve always had a website. 131 Cookbooks, Yoga with Kristi, Figs & Chèvre, The Art of Authentic Living (I cringe just typing that!), The Spreadsheet Alchemist (initially Darling Little Spreadsheets), Deeper Integrity (initially Kristi Amdahl and then Wise Woman Wayfinding), and Awakened Sister Studio.
I’ve taken a ton of online business trainings, worked with spiritual business coaches, invested heavily — to the tune of several five figures — in coach training (and other fancy trainings), and so for me to just shut it all down is pretty significant.
And yet, when I shut down my website on the eve of July 3 and emailed my subscribers with the news the next morning, something about it all felt right.
For the first time in years, I closed the tabs with my website. And then I discovered what it was like to have nothing to do but just be.
Because my website and attempts to build a sustainable business had been all-consuming. For years.
I’m left feeling quite liminal, but in a way that feels juicy and inviting rather than stressful and uncomfortable.
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & genderqueer folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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