My Therapist’s Diagnosis
Overview
I’m publishing this into the void, as my website has had a lock screen in place since July 2.
I’ve been working with Shelby since January 2025, and she’s freaking rad. May everyone have a Shelby to hold space for them and to help them process shit.
As an anti-capitalist and former activist who went by “Justice” back in the day (to evade identification by law enforcement), I know that my views aren’t always relatable or even palatable. But Shelby gets it.
She also gets that I struggle deeply with generative AI, and so she was more than willing to submit paperwork requesting an accommodation for me under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) so that I don’t have to use the agentic AI bots that my employer has recently mandated. Because they trigger panic attacks and leave me incapable of functioning.
The term she used to explain my intense reaction was “justice sensitivity.” I’d never heard of it before, but holy shit is it an accurate depiction! Not only do I hold a high degree of justice sensitivity, but I’m also an empath.
That combination makes it very difficult — and completely out of integrity for me — to engage in activities that I know to cause harm. And generative AI causes a lot of harm to a lot of entities (especially the Global South, our climate, and the environment).
AuDHD
Instigated by this ADA paperwork was a new diagnosis that I’m still processing: autism. And in colloquial terms, I now own the AuDHD label (autism + ADHD).
Initially, I questioned it. I mean, those I know who are autistic function very differently than most. For example, my friend’s adult nephew is non-verbal, requires 24-7 supervision, and does things like sniff my hair. So my understanding of autism is quite limited, based on stereotypes (think: Rain Man), and otherwise sorely lacking.
But when I started researching AuDHD, I was shocked to see so so so many of my struggles laid bare before me — including justice sensitivity, executive functioning, and many others. In other words, the diagnosis fit like a glove.
Human Design
In my previous post, I wrote about having a ton of websites over the years. But what I didn’t mention is that I’m constantly overhauling them. I even took trainings in website design and development so that I could code my own sites because I could neither trust anyone else to understand my vision, nor could I afford to hire a web designer every time I felt the impulse to change things up!
A friend was curious as to what in my astrological chart might suggest why I constantly overhaul my site — between May 2025 and June 2026, I’ve done so at least six times — and when she discovered that I’m a Reflector (Human Design), she was like “That explains so much!”
The thing with being a Reflector is that it’s really easy for me to mistake other’s energies for my own. It’s also very natural for me to crave something one day and then not want anything to do with it a day or two later…only to circle back and crave it again. So Reflectors are advised to wait a full lunar cycle before making big decisions. My Human Design profile lines are 1/3, which means I love to learn, and I learn by doing (and failing).
I had forgotten about the whole Reflector bit and would wonder why I could never just leave what was good enough alone.
AuDHD and Human Design Intersections
Learning that I have AuDHD is validating in that traits that I’d previously thought to be character defects are actually very normal for how my brain is wired.
Remembering that I am a 1/3 Reflector is also validating in that my constant experimentation is also very normal for how I’m wired energetically.
But when I explore my Human Design chart more closely and compare it to some of the things I’ve learned about AuDHD, I note a fair amount of overlap. Like, AuDHD offers an acceptable mainstream explanation for why I am the way I am, while my Human Design chart offers something comparable to the spiritually-oriented community.
Does this diagnosis even matter?
Yes and no. It matters in that it validates my life experience as being normal for how I’m wired — that I don’t have personally defects needing to be fixed. It matters in that it explains why I get crazy heart palpitations and completely shut down when told to use an agentic AI chat bot to “make my job easier” and, subsequently, what underlies my ADA accommodation request.
But it doesn’t matter in terms of how I live my life or show up in it. At least not beyond extending myself more compassion and grace for struggling the way I do with some executive functioning, being consistent, making eye contact, etc.
It’s easy to over identify with labels, and yet doing so serves no one. But I’m holding onto it for now, as it will help me extend myself the grace and compassion that I deeply deserve in a world that views my wiring as a defect to be corrected.
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & genderqueer folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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