Unpacking a Stress Dream With Morning Pages
Overview
I've had a recurring stress dream over the past few nights, so I unpacked it this morning (Sunday) as I wrote out my Morning Pages.
The dreams themselves are now hazy and — like many dreams — hard to explain. But the gist was that I either kept seeing a blank template that I needed to populate or that I needed to create a template.
One of the templates had something to do with how I work with clients who want to extract themselves (to the degree that they can) from capitalism's talons. The other was about how I articulate my views on why capitalism is so damn rotten, why I don't believe that philanthropy is a true solution, and what the alternatives are.
Both are things that are very relevant to my life right now, given that (a) over the past eight months, I've shifted my focus from general life coaching to working with folks who specifically take issue with capitalism and want to change how they engage with it, and (b) I've always struggled to communicate my views.
About Morning Pages
Morning Pages were conceived by writer Julia Cameron some 30(ish) years ago. They involve three 8.5" x 11" pages of writing "stream of consciousness" style done first thing in the morning, within 45 minutes of waking. Their purpose is to basically clear out the mental gunk that keeps creativity at bay.
They differ from "regular" journaling in that you are basically dumping whatever's taking up mental real estate, without thinking or reflecting the way you'd do if you were intentionally journaling.
And, they differ from another of my favorite practices — channel writing — in that we're not posing a question that we're asking our innate knowing to answer; we're not seeking anything, for that matter. Again, we're dumping more than anything.
What came up as I wrote my Morning Pages
When I wrote today's morning pages, I was actually shocked by my inner capacity to articulate my views on why I believe that capitalism is so rotten and why I believe that philanthropy is a symptom of rather than a solution to capitalism's multitude of negative externalities.
You see, I've always thought that I just suck at communicating. As a kid, my dad would always try to hurry my thoughts — "Just spit it out, Kristi!" — and this led me to believe that I was an idiot who couldn't articulate myself. I know that he didn't mean any harm by it, and his words may have been rooted in his own self-consciousness as he, too, has trouble "just spitting it out." Nevertheless, his words have continued to affect me in this area.
Compounding things was that a certain person who I couldn't (legally) fully extract myself from gaslit me and my recollection of events for 15 years before a psychologist (who knew this person well) gave me a label for what was happening. Label in hand, I switched 100% of our communications to the digital realm so that I could document their lies that challenged my version of reality. This helped immensely, yet it didn't stop me from second-guessing myself, given how deeply ingrained this wounding was.
Today's Morning Pages helped me to see that the "templates" in my dream were symbolic of practicing. For example, one doesn't become a better communicator by holing up thoughts and reflecting on them; one becomes a better communicator by practicing the art of communicating.
Now that I have evidence in my journal that I can articulate my views well when I get out of my own way, my work is to practice communicating said views...out loud.
So instead of writing about how I believe that capitalism is rotten to its core or why philanthropy is a Band-Aid that ultimately props up capitalism, for example, I write about why I believe these things to be true.
This is now my intention, at least.
Circling back to you...
Perhaps the most useful takeaway from this story about unpacking my stress dreams is the tool I employed to do so: Morning Pages.
As mentioned above, Morning Pages involve stream of consciousness writing and are fantastic for clearing out the mental muck that keeps us feeling cluttered and blocked.
While Julia Cameron advocates doing them a certain way — first thing in the morning and three 8.5" x 11" pages — if you're ever feeling mentally cluttered or blocked, they can be very useful for feeling clear and even moving into flow.
And if you're looking for an answer to a specific question or challenge? Try channel writing instead (or after stream of consciousness writing, if you have the time and energy for both).
Channel writing is simply the act of posing a question to yourself in your journal, then — without thinking — writing your response. There are variations to this, e.g. writing with your non-dominant hand or feet (!!), or my favorite: typing in a notes app with my eyes closed. Regardless of the technique you choose, it works by getting you out of your head and tapping into your creativity.
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & gender-expansive folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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