I’m Tired of Always Being So Damn Busy
Overview
I'm tired of being busy. I'm tired of sharing just how busy I am with the world. And I'm tired of prioritizing things that don't really matter instead of things that do.
Most of my busyness is self-imposed; I'm my own busy boss. My busyness primarily comes in the form I'll call shuffling.
For example, rather than exploring my interests, spending more soul-nourishing time outdoors, or meandering over to Casa Cactus (my favorite local coffee shop), I tinker with an already good enough website. I ignore all previous planning and create new plans (that I then ignore so that I can repeat this ineffective planning cycle). I tidy...which for me is more about "shuffling papers" than it is about eliminating (mostly non-existant) clutter.
But for all of my busyness, I have little to show for it. I have a glorious website, but I don't have more business because I'm not writing blogs that draw people into my world or newsletters that evoke a response (um...when did I last email you?!), or relationships that I've nurtured with people who are interested in my work.
Out of all of my forms of busyness, website overhauls dominate. If you've been in my world for a while, you'll likely know this.
The problem
The problem isn't that I don't have anything (other than a lovely website) to show for my busyness. That would be capitalism talking!
The problem is that I'm spending my precious life force being busy instead of doing the things that leave me feeling wildly alive.
This has been on my mind a lot lately.
I'm in a business development container that — while incredibly solid and run by a human I like and respect — is way too business-y for my anti-capitalist values (too much focus on wooing corporate clients, embracing generative AI, and recording metrics for my tastes).
Shifts
I finally gave myself permission to quietly leave this container (even though I'd fully paid for it), which freed up some of my mental busyness.
I also joined Megan Leatherman's Meant for More vocational guidance program. If her name sounds familiar, it's likely because I've raved about her Composting Capitalism program in the past (the next round starts on June 16th), and in my last newsletter I shared her Silver Creek Canyon land/village exploration project (she's still seeking help with this, in case you have a few dollars to spare).
Back to Meant for More. I joined this container without fully understanding why — just knowing that I needed to.
What I'm hoping to get out of it is a deeper grasp of what my gifts are and how they want to emerge, whether my work even involves the exchange of money, and less busyness in how I spend my time.
Recently, I've noticed that while I still have a lot of busyness to unlearn, I've begun being a bit less busy. For starters, there's the example I named above. Additionally, I've decided to allocate no more than one day a week to website stuff, and I've been pretty solid with this so far. And, I've asked the perpetual planner in me to wait; that I'm not in the space to plan anything just yet and that I'd rather get curious about what might want to emerge.
The result?
I have a bit more time for me.
On Saturday, I decided to not engage much with my website (despite it being my designated day to do so) and instead biked to my favorite bookstore (Women & Children First in Andersonville) and bought Tamu: A Journey Through Africa's Plant-Based Cuisine by Jane Nshuti. On Sunday, I devoted two hours to preparing four Ethiopian dishes — three of them from my new cookbook — that I've only ever eaten in restaurants.
Despite doing a lot this weekend, I felt less busy. I felt more alive.
And I'm writing this newsletter on the US's Memorial Day holiday...in my tiny Chicago yard, bare feet nestled into the grass. It doesn't feel busy. It feels slow, deliberate, and sublime.
It's my intention to continue creating more moments like this, to be less busy, to focus on things that matter to rather than things that capitalism expects from me.
I have a long ways to go, but that's okay. I'm deeply grateful that I recognized my busyness for what it is and made the decision to try something different.
Circling back to you...
Do you wear busyness as a badge of honor? If so, how does it leave you feeling? Energized? Depleted?
How might you renegotiate your relationship with "being busy"?
What might emerge in the void that comes from reducing your busyness? The idea isn't to replace any busyness with a different flavor of it but to invite things to emerge that leave you feeling more alive, liberated, and connected.
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help women & genderqueer folk liberate themselves from capitalism’s self-blaming hamster wheel of “mindset work”, bootstrapping, and “never enoughness” while navigating life’s day-to-day challenges. This work is, ultimately, about helping humans move into deeper integrity with who they truly are so that they can flourish and contribute meaningfully to our collective liberation. Click here to learn more.
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